5 weeks after surgery, and I'm ready to talk about it.

Here we go. Wednesday, March 25 530a....Horace and I enter the hospital for check in. It's dark and quiet, but the check in goes well. I pay them the required co-pay that was left, and was taken down to the pre op area. No other patients were there, but the nurses were nice. I got into my fancy gown-the kind with snaps down the shoulders so they can whip it off when I'm asleep- not a comforting thought at that moment. Starting the IV was a chore, as it always is. Took 3 people 5 tries, and they finally got one in my left hand, which I hate because it makes it hard to use that hand, but I am used to it. Maybe when I'm thinner this won't be a problem. They slipped little slipper socks on my feet and gave me a little hat to wear. They also gave me heated blankets, which was nice because the room was freezing. Horace took a couple of pictures of me trying to look calm. I met the doc who was putting me to sleep, nice guy. Right then he gave me something to make me a bit woozy. Dr S came in looking dapper in a fedora, asked if I was ready. I'd waited years for this, but right then I wanted to say 'no'....but of course I said ok. Horace and I prayed, they wheeled me into surgery. I didn't move over to the operating table, just said hi to the anesthesia doc and the next thng I knew I was in a hospital room. Horace came into focus and said everything went well, and that's about all I remember.Sometime later they pushed something in my mouth to make me take deep breaths, and the nurse was very disappointed with me because I couldn't get a big breath. There really wasn't any pain. I realized I had a catheter in my bladder, but I wasn't bothered by it. Then it was time to get up....must of been around 10pm or so....all I know it was night. I had some massive pain then, but realized it was muscle spasms from the incision. It was a huge production getting me up, needing 2 nurses. I had so much stuff hooked to me it would have been impossible for me to do anything by myself. But I got up. I walked....about 30 feet. But I did it. Little did I know that I was going to be walked every 2 hours all night long. I got pretty good at the walking part, and once I was up, it felt ok. The muscle spasms were horrible, but came and went fast. And they were gone in about 36 hours. The incision itself didn't really hurt, even though the dressing went from my boobs to below my belly button, and I had a drain tube hooked to a mini-football hanging out. They had to put me on oxygen, because every time I dozed off I set off the alarm- my levels were bad, and I forgot my cpap machine. Thursday was more of the same. Get up and walk. I was on clear liquids, and I could sip a bit of water, and tried a bite of sugar free jello, but for the most part wasn't interested. Friday, Dr S told me to head home....I was shocked because I felt so fragile, but Horace got me home. Now I live on the 2nd floor, with steep stairs, and that was a hard climb. I went into the recliner chair, got some pain meds, and slept. He was worried sick because I wasn't ready to go back down those stairs and hike around, but I got up and walked around the apartment. I needed sleep....I hadn't gotten anything but a nap since surgery and I was worn out. Those first few days were a blur of misery, but Sunday night Horace broke up a sugar free popsicle into a cup and gave it to me with a baby spoon, and it tasted wonderful! All of a sudden I thought I might live.At a week out, Dr S took out the drain tube, which didn't hurt. I just kept keeping on, bored, lonesome, but too darn tired to do much about it. I was having trouble getting in the fluids I needed, and swallowing my pills was getting harder and harder, so at about 4 weeks out he did an EGD and stretched my stoma. That was horrible, being awake, but made all the difference. Now I can eat and drink.Today is the first day that I feel like myself....so I am going to make it through this.